"Lord have mercy..."
is all I know to croak this week from the raw throat of my screamed-out heart.
It has been a week of deep depression and burning rage. This morning, I browsed through my books, looking for a voice of relief when my own spirit felt too weary to muster any words fit to speak.
I came upon a dusty old read, long forgotten over the years. And it called to me. It is an excellent book for anyone’s shelf - highly recommended. I rediscovered a passage that I have been reading over and over today.
It has felt like a balm upon the injuries to my soul. I am not healed from the matters of this week - the wounds still leak what little blood remains from the life I am surprised I still hold within me. The gaping edges are red and inflamed. The agony holds my attention captive. But the following words have been a soothing ointment throughout the day, as I have reapplied them liberally:
"...I too grow tired
of politicians and pundits
who turn prayer into a placeholder
for prudent action infinitely delayed.
I too sense with weary irony
the ambiguities of praying to God
for those who have been killed in the name of God
by those who probably also prayed to God
before embarking on their merciless missions.
...But even my weariness and my cynicism
cannot keep me from calling out,
“Lord, have mercy.”
Aware of the ambiguity and abuse
that sometimes accompanies
talk of thoughts and prayers
I still cannot suppress the primal cry
that wells up
from the depth of my heart:
“Lord Jesus, have mercy on us.”
We should never be ashamed to pray
in response to the horrors of the world,
to beg that God would have mercy on this human race,
a people that has,
as Saint Catherine of Siena put it,
“declared war on [God’s] mercy
and become [God’s] enemies” (Dialogue, chapter 13).
...There are things we can and should fix,
but there are also things wrong with us
that only God can fix.
...Perhaps we should not expect God
to fix those situations
that call for the exercise of human wisdom
and political prudence,
but surely I must beg God to fix my warring heart.
...Yes, we must act to restrain
the violence that grows
from our war against God’s mercy.
But we must also pray for that mercy,
because in the end
it is only God’s mercy
that will disarm our hearts.
In the face of merciless killings
done in the name of a merciful God,
we light our candles of hope
as a sign of our prayer
that God the Compassionate,
the Merciful,
will one day reign victorious
and that we will find ourselves
joyfully defeated,
prisoners of war
who have surrendered to mercy."
*Bauerschmidt, Frederick Christian. How Beautiful the World Could Be: Christian Reflections on the Everyday